Moving to Nanaimo

[Geoff]

It is uncanny the resemblance. I almost feel like I'm talking to my past self, haha. I'll have to figure out your numerology one of these days, I bet we have the same life path or something, lol.

One thing I can say for certain, don't ever feel guilty or let them make you feel guilty for not seeing them. Family has a tendency to do that because most people think that blood means family. Screw that noise. What a crock of crap that is. Well of course you're in the wrong to them, in their eyes, you're like the ugly duckling, everyone is the same but you, so it must be you. I get that a lot too. So you know what, let them be sheep, and you can be the awesome dragon on your continuum to awesomeness while they stay miserable and stagnant.

Yeah I had a lot to do with my mom changing. In a nutshell, I had a conversation with her on the phone one day for like, an hour, and she asked me questions based on a dream she had about me. The dream ended up being right and I told her I've hated her for the last 14yrs because she failed as a parent and left me alone. I really should have that convo with my dad, lol. But yeah, you can imagine being a parent having your child tell you they loathe your very existence, it changed her. I stopped talking to her for like three months. That all happened this year. It'll be weird seeing her at xmas time. She's changed a lot since our convo, but that doesn't exactly take away all the pain she caused me. It will take awhile to smooth things over, I hope we can when I go home.

Bahaha. I do the evasive actions too. Sometimes talking does nothing so it's best to just avoid all contact. Eventually they get the picture. It's good you have your buddy that makes you feel better. Too bad you couldn't chill with him more.

Well, the fact that you want the obstacles out means you've already put those thoughts into the universe. So now it's just a waiting game. But all you can do is keep thinking positively and things will start turning around.

The past sounds like it is back for you. Someone resembling your past self. It is great the chemistry we seem to have. I love it. I am fortunate to have you in my life. They love making me feel guilty, an example being if I tell my brother I don't want to attend a family event he'll say " you should go, I'll lose respect for you if you don't go ". So will my family. My brother is a god because he is out of the country. He has tons of stroke. My brother and my dad do. I am always wrong and the ugly duckling to them, and if I call out a wrongdoing, they viciously defend their buddies. I don't need them as much as they make on. It is good you were direct with your mom. You had to be, and I don't imagine that was an easy conversation for you. And yes sometimes no move is a good move. I have one lady I enjoyed being around, but every time I see her now I am evasive. I am " in a hurry " when I see her now. She has problems, tons of them, does nothing about them, aside from saving them for conversation material, and always wants to talk sensitive issues. Plus invented lines are what I often use now too. I am glad I have my buddy. I wish I could hang with him more, but he is a busy man. 2 jobs ( he works at the pub I go to is one ), school, and he is a married man too. I often say I have to believe. Keep thinking positive.

[Geoff]

Again, like my previous post. I feel like I'm talking to my past self, lol. I'm really good with people, I understand them, especially when they've had similar experiences and emotions as mine. I like helping people. It's what I do. It's what I'm suppose to do. I'm meant for it. But only for the people who want to hear it. As for where was I earlier in your life, well, I imagine you weren't ready to hear what I have to say which is why I'm popping up now. Everything happens as it should. There's a reason behind everything. Oh the mysteries of the universe, lol. Well, I'm glad to have a such a welcoming into your life, for however long our paths may cross. It's nice to have people want me instead of being nasty douchebags. I like the switch.

Anyone, even the worst of people can change. They only need to decide to and make the effort. I firmly believe in that. If they want it bad enough, their drive will be enough to see them through to the light. Spirit is always waiting.

No, a divorce and suicide attempts weren't easy to go through. What's worse is that it isn't the worst of what I've been through. Sometimes, well, a lot of times, people leave you hanging and that's where the loneliness comes from. But you really aren't ever alone. You may not perceive what's around you, but there are always loving energies there to comfort you and remind you that you are cared for.

I am sorry about your mom. I'm sure it's not easy losing a parent, that is something I can't even imagine experiencing. I have much empathy for you. And it sucks your ex kicked you out the same year. I find events such as those always comes in storms. To test your strength, to hit you over and over and see if you fall, and should you fall, if you get back up. It makes it even harder when you have no money. That's like the icing on the crap cake. Such is the way of the universe. I wish you much healing as the past always seems to linger into the present.

And that's the best way to look at it, sure things may not be great now, but at least it's not as bad as it was. And that's the thought that makes people go on. You are making progress. Just keep a positive attitude. It will keep getting better, it may seem like a lifetime, but it will get better.

You may feel like that now, that you're in a life you aren't meant to win, but life is not a race or a contest. What are you trying to win? The fact that you are alive and that you keep on living means you haven't quit. Which means you are being, you are growing, you are learning, there is no winning in life. What's there to win? Being alive is the prize, and being happy is a bonus, lol. When you talk about winning at life, I hear societal conditioning BS.

There is always hope, always. If I could hug the whole world and make the pain go away I would. But I can't. The only reason is, not everyone would want it. So I'll have to suffice changing the world one at a time, lol. I can't and will never stop saying, you are not alone, even though you feel that way. There is always someone who cares and will help. Most of the time it's as simple as asking for it. Talk out loud, ask Spirit, say, I feel alone and I need help. I want to feel love. The universe will send it. Just ask.

You are good with people. And your help is appreciated. You are better with them than I ever will be. I am glad you popped up into my life. You are always welcome in it. I am fortunate to have you. The worst can change. My buddy's dad has told me that more than once. I am lonely a lot, and have been left hanging. I know where you are coming from there. It was hard losing my mom, and being kicked out that year. Very tough. I was at rock bottom. I appreciate your concern about my mom. I have made progress. More than my ex has. That makes me feel even better. I haven't quit and when I say winning, I mean that by getting ahead and doing well.

[All Ages Music Concerts]

Geoff, you have to stop saying that you know people don’t like you; they are talking about you, whatever and etc. Live the god forbidden live you have the opportunity to live.

Within families there are always differences. Trust me I know as I come from a family of 10 kids (actually more- but death tells different). Sounds to me you need to STOP, listen to your inner self and get control of who you are. Stop focusing on what others think. Get you life in order and live it as how you want it. Nobody has to answer to anyone but themselves. Your family all have different thoughts on life. You need to live the thoughts that you have on life.

I probably am not explaining this right but first off hand you have to think positive and ignore the negative thoughts towards family and so called friends. Start living life each morning as you wake with a positive attitude towards yourself. Never mind what your sub-conscious is saying. Hear your own voice and listen to it, stand up for yourself in a positive way and get on with living. Stop beating yourself. If you keep beating yourself up, you will never get off the ground.

I am done with this thread because I am not beating myself up against the wall.

[Foxglove]

The dark will only win if you give it the power. Just stay in your inner light and be you. Screw what everyone else thinks be it friends, family whatever. And your mom put up a damn good fight. But had she given up when she was told about the cancer, maybe she would have died sooner because she wouldn't have had the will to live. I think her hope and determination extended her life force. She could have easily given up, but she chose to fight.

Exactly, let the haters hate. Don't care what any of them say about you. It doesn't matter what they think. Don't fret so much. Let them be. If your paths don't mesh anymore, then leave them be because it sounds like they are causing you more strife than good.

Screw what they think, lol. I can't say that enough. If you don't want to be social at family gatherings it's your prerogative. Let them make assumptions. I'm sure you're not chatty because they are so different from you and what's there to talk about, lol.

Like I said before, it's not the number of friends you have, it's the quality. I have two friends. That's it. I wouldn't trade them in for a million friends. It's good you have some good friends you can fall back on.

Don't let people push you around. You don't have to be mean about it. Just be like, I don't appreciate when you do these things. Or stuff like that. And it's not your problem if people don't like you because you're different. I think it's a good omen to be different, better than being a sheep like everyone else, haha. It makes you stand out, and people who fear don't like that. Just be you. Don't think about other people.

And the underhanded threats from your brother, that's a form of emotional abuse and a way of manipulation. Don't fall for that. The lady you describe sounds like a total psychic vampire, meaning, she just wants to feed off your energy. If she lays all her problems on you, she's left feeling better and you are left drained and miserable. It's better to avoid those people at all costs. I was friends with one for four years, not so fun, lol.

Just be positive darlin, it will change. Focus on yourself, focus on your needs as a being. Let people say and think what they want about you. It's their bad karma. Just ignore it. All you need to do is live through yourself and follow your bliss. Do what makes you happy. Leave out all the negativity. Life's too short for that.

[Geoff]

Geoff, you have to stop saying that you know people don’t like you; they are talking about you, whatever and etc. Live the god forbidden live you have the opportunity to live.

Within families there are always differences. Trust me I know as I come from a family of 10 kids (actually more- but death tells different). Sounds to me you need to STOP, listen to your inner self and get control of who you are. Stop focusing on what others think. Get you life in order and live it as how you want it. Nobody has to answer to anyone but themselves. Your family all have different thoughts on life. You need to live the thoughts that you have on life.

I probably am not explaining this right but first off hand you have to think positive and ignore the negative thoughts towards family and so called friends. Start living life each morning as you wake with a positive attitude towards yourself. Never mind what your sub-conscious is saying. Hear your own voice and listen to it, stand up for yourself in a positive way and get on with living. Stop beating yourself. If you keep beating yourself up, you will never get off the ground.

I am done with this thread because I am not beating myself up against the wall.

I do have to stop saying people don't like me. I know people don't like me, but not everyone will like me. People like me, people hate me, I am no different than anyone else. I feel like I have lost control of my life. It is in someone else's hands and there is no chance of getting it back. My family are obsessed with putting everyone else over yourself. It is a mental disorder I think. My mom did that often putting others ahead, and my family labels me as selfish or stuck up if I put myself ahead of others. I do need to stop focusing on others, but what is the use? I always slip up. Everything is about someone else ( just ask my family ). All I want is my life in order. I am tired of having to fight to get my life back. They have their thoughts, I have mine. We don't all think the same way, family or not. You explained things fine. I just want to live and not be beaten. I don't think that is much to expect.

[Geoff]

The dark will only win if you give it the power. Just stay in your inner light and be you. Screw what everyone else thinks be it friends, family whatever. And your mom put up a damn good fight. But had she given up when she was told about the cancer, maybe she would have died sooner because she wouldn't have had the will to live. I think her hope and determination extended her life force. She could have easily given up, but she chose to fight.

Exactly, let the haters hate. Don't care what any of them say about you. It doesn't matter what they think. Don't fret so much. Let them be. If your paths don't mesh anymore, then leave them be because it sounds like they are causing you more strife than good.

Screw what they think, lol. I can't say that enough. If you don't want to be social at family gatherings it's your prerogative. Let them make assumptions. I'm sure you're not chatty because they are so different from you and what's there to talk about, lol.

Like I said before, it's not the number of friends you have, it's the quality. I have two friends. That's it. I wouldn't trade them in for a million friends. It's good you have some good friends you can fall back on.

Don't let people push you around. You don't have to be mean about it. Just be like, I don't appreciate when you do these things. Or stuff like that. And it's not your problem if people don't like you because you're different. I think it's a good omen to be different, better than being a sheep like everyone else, haha. It makes you stand out, and people who fear don't like that. Just be you. Don't think about other people.

And the underhanded threats from your brother, that's a form of emotional abuse and a way of manipulation. Don't fall for that. The lady you describe sounds like a total psychic vampire, meaning, she just wants to feed off your energy. If she lays all her problems on you, she's left feeling better and you are left drained and miserable. It's better to avoid those people at all costs. I was friends with one for four years, not so fun, lol.

Just be positive darlin, it will change. Focus on yourself, focus on your needs as a being. Let people say and think what they want about you. It's their bad karma. Just ignore it. All you need to do is live through yourself and follow your bliss. Do what makes you happy. Leave out all the negativity. Life's too short for that.

Hugging the whole world would be good, but not everyone is onside with that. You deserve a hug from me, whenever we meet, you have been awesome, and very loyal. To hell with everyone else, I have to go on and not worry about things they throw my way. My mom did put up a good fight. Not many do with that. She could have easily given up, could have said " hey the doctor is right, he is after all the doctor he'd know " and used defeating talk like that. She didn't. Haters do cause my more strife than good. I'm not social at family gatherings, and I like that. Let them say BS that I have traits to some serial killers by being quiet and listening to heavy music ( and I have heard those portrayals and my music I listen to doesn't cause me to do stupid things ). They can make all the assumptions they want. They want me, more than I want them. Family events are mostly political BS now. I'm not chatty, and the talk is always the same BS. How much more my sister's affairs mean than life itself, how wonderful my brother is that he is in Australia, my aunt and uncle's latest " image " trip. Complete BS. I'd rather talk about the Canucks ( they won 4-1 last night ) or my hoops ( how about Steve Nash and the Suns, or Brandon Roy and the Trailblazers, good players on top teams ). I don't have many friends, but I do have quality.

[Geoff]

The dark will only win if you give it the power. Just stay in your inner light and be you. Screw what everyone else thinks be it friends, family whatever. And your mom put up a damn good fight. But had she given up when she was told about the cancer, maybe she would have died sooner because she wouldn't have had the will to live. I think her hope and determination extended her life force. She could have easily given up, but she chose to fight.

Exactly, let the haters hate. Don't care what any of them say about you. It doesn't matter what they think. Don't fret so much. Let them be. If your paths don't mesh anymore, then leave them be because it sounds like they are causing you more strife than good.

Screw what they think, lol. I can't say that enough. If you don't want to be social at family gatherings it's your prerogative. Let them make assumptions. I'm sure you're not chatty because they are so different from you and what's there to talk about, lol.

Like I said before, it's not the number of friends you have, it's the quality. I have two friends. That's it. I wouldn't trade them in for a million friends. It's good you have some good friends you can fall back on.

Don't let people push you around. You don't have to be mean about it. Just be like, I don't appreciate when you do these things. Or stuff like that. And it's not your problem if people don't like you because you're different. I think it's a good omen to be different, better than being a sheep like everyone else, haha. It makes you stand out, and people who fear don't like that. Just be you. Don't think about other people.

And the underhanded threats from your brother, that's a form of emotional abuse and a way of manipulation. Don't fall for that. The lady you describe sounds like a total psychic vampire, meaning, she just wants to feed off your energy. If she lays all her problems on you, she's left feeling better and you are left drained and miserable. It's better to avoid those people at all costs. I was friends with one for four years, not so fun, lol.

Just be positive darlin, it will change. Focus on yourself, focus on your needs as a being. Let people say and think what they want about you. It's their bad karma. Just ignore it. All you need to do is live through yourself and follow your bliss. Do what makes you happy. Leave out all the negativity. Life's too short for that.

2 good friends is better than none, and more than " friends ". I have quality friends. Like my buddy, and his co workers at the pub. I am well known there and well liked, same at 2 of the coffee shops I go to. I'm even liked in Nanaimo too. I shouldn't let people be mean and push me around. I don't like to be mean about it, but sometimes I have to be. Better to be direct though. I like being different and standing out. What my brother said is abusive. I told my family that, and they thought it was great he said that. An abusive quote and they loved it? Go figure. Symbolic of my brother's considerable influence. She feeds off me with her problems and they do make her feel better and me worse. I stopped going to a certain coffee shop because of her. I feel better without her, and have wondered why I didn't do it earlier. I have to be positive and focus on me.

[Foxglove]

I'll respond tomorrow. I worked til 11pm last night and I just got home from an 11hr shift today. So I'm going to bed because I have to be up at 8am tomorrow, lol. Ttyl.

[Geoff]

I understand you've been busy. No problem, no hurry. Get plenty of rest, as it sounds like you could really use it.

[Foxglove]

If you feel out of control, take it back. I learned the hard way putting others first will ruin you. It's time for you to start being a little more selfish and not feel guilty about it, lol. Take time for you. Do things you want. Do whatever it is that makes you happy. Ignore nay-sayers and negative comments from family and friends. Live in your bubble. A bubble of happy. How nice of your family to compare you to a serial killer. If the characteristics of serial killers were based on what your family is saying, I think 99% of the world would fall into that category at some point.

One thing you should try to do, for humour sake, cause it really is funny to watch people get confused, when they are putting your siblings on high horses and crapping on you and your life, say something completely random and nice. If they're talking about how awesome your brother is, just be like, I love you guys, even if you don't mean it. Sometimes the showing of love can conquer all things, but only if you are up to it. Otherwise, just let them rant away and ignore them. Or try and segue the conversation to a topic you are interested in and see if that works.

See, just start hanging out those places more, go to where the people like you. If you have friends at the pub and your coffee shops, go there more and be with people who actually enjoy your company, makes life a lot more pleasant.

You don't have to be mean to stand up for yourself. If somebody says something you don't like, tell them. It's as simple as saying, you know what, I don't appreciate when you talk to me like that, I don't treat you that way, so please don't treat me that way. And call them on it. Every single time. Don't let any of it slide. Once they know you won't put up with it, they will either change and not say those things, or you won't hear from them anymore because they want someone to trample on.

Loved the abusive quote? Yeah, epic fail on their part, lol.

See exactly, you feel better without her in your life. It's because you don;t have her leeching your energy. Friends don't leech. When you talk to someone, you shouldn't feel like crap after. If you do, they are stealing your energy. Parasites. Give them the boot. Just keep staying positive and pretty soon the negativity will start melting away, and when it does, you will see the true colours of those you associate with, more so than you are now.

Yay hugs! I really don't know why anyone wouldn't want a hug. That's so foreign to me now. I never use to want hugs because of the state of depression I was in. But when you move more towards the light, all you want is light. And hugs make you feel happy. Even if it's just for 5 seconds. It makes a difference in your day. Just like a smile does.