sister is having a baby an is living with our dad but our dad smokes....

[motherwolf84]

ok heres the thing my step sister is pregnate and our dad (my real dad her step dad ... same person lol) smokes. He does smoke outside on the balcony but he doesnt realize that the smoke sticks to him and he doesnt realize his clothing and his breath will stink like nicotine. Is there a way to make him realize how important it would be for him to quite smokeing befor the baby is born? Hes stubborn so i need help finding some fact/information that would make him realize how bad it is for the baby to be in a house with a smoker regardless if he smokes outside or not. he doesnt realize his clothing and breath will smell like cigarettes after each time he smokes a cigarette. HELP PLEASE!!! my husband doesnt realize this as well im trying to get both my dad and my husband to quite smoking but nothing is working so far.... any ideas? or does anyone have any information that would help my dad and my husband quite smoking? please!!!

[The other Pat]

Smoking outside will not hurt your sister or the baby. It is legal to smoke, and bottom line, it is his house. I might have a bit more sympathy if he smokes in the house, but he doesn't, he smokes outside.

If your sister does not like the "smell" of the cigarette smoke on his clothes, she can move to her own place.

I don't smoke, but I hate to see people try to "force" people to stop smoking just because they don't like it.....

Pat

[Tenspot]

Hmmm. I've lived in my present location for 7 years, and the person who moved in 3 months has more rights than I do. She smokes on her balcony and it blows into my apartment.
I can't sit on my balcony, put a fan in my window, use makeup air in my air conditioner, or even leave a window open..... because she smokes, and has more rights than I.

[The other Pat]

That is a different situation Tenspot, second hand smoke is harmful to you, the smell of smoke on someone’s clothes is not.

Maybe you can ask her to put a fan on her balcony to blow the smoke the other way. Or how about buying one of those ashtrays that suck the smoke into it for her?

Most smokers don't actually want to get into your space and approached the right way, are willing to work it out with you.

Pat

[Tenspot]

She states she's not interested in my situation, has rights, and will continue to smoke. Just one of "that" type of person.

[albertabluesky]

Maybe you need to develop a taste for smelly food?? j/k..sounds like you are downwind...not much can be done about that I guess...

[Nostradama]

ok heres the thing my step sister is pregnate and our dad (my real dad her step dad ... same person lol) smokes. He does smoke outside on the balcony but he doesnt realize that the smoke sticks to him and he doesnt realize his clothing and his breath will stink like nicotine. Is there a way to make him realize how important it would be for him to quite smokeing befor the baby is born? Hes stubborn so i need help finding some fact/information that would make him realize how bad it is for the baby to be in a house with a smoker regardless if he smokes outside or not. he doesnt realize his clothing and breath will smell like cigarettes after each time he smokes a cigarette. HELP PLEASE!!! my husband doesnt realize this as well im trying to get both my dad and my husband to quite smoking but nothing is working so far.... any ideas? or does anyone have any information that would help my dad and my husband quite smoking? please!!!

Divided into two parts, first one for motherwolf84 and second part for Tenspot.

For motherwolf84: I'm a smoker and I lived for a few miserable years with an alcoholic. So two addicts living together: one an alcohol addict and me, the nicotine addict. I was too stupid to realize I was getting involved with a "closet drunk". Just like non-smokers who'd never date smokers, I wouldn't date a non-smoker and now I'd really think it over carefully before I'd date a drinker, even what appeared to be just a "social" drinker.

But I'm a realist--realistic enough to know that I'm an addict, in the same way that the alcoholic "live-in" was an addict, and no different than someone who's doing coke or meth. A doctor once told me he thought it was harder for a cigarette smoker to quit than it was for a coker to quit, and he'd dealt with both.

In my experience, the only way an addict is going to quit is if they really want to. Lecturing, producing proof of the harm they're doing isn't going to work. In some cases it sets up a defiance wall, when the smoker or the drug user or the alcoholic becomes even more determined that they'll keep going no matter what. You've said that your Dad's stubborn, so maybe trying to get him to quit smoking has gone past the "smoking/non-smoking" and has ramped up to a battle of wills between you and him, where he's stubborn enough now, and his back's up enough, that he's going to cling to the cigarettes even harder. I'd be the same way--"Nobody's going to tell me what I can do in my own house."

Is your step-sister as concerned about this as you are? Can she move out? She's not living with the baby's father, so could he "man up" and contribute some cash to get her into her own place? If that's impossible, could she live with her mother or your mother, if your Mom has a good relationship with her or maybe even mostly raised her?

Since your husband's a smoker, there's no point in suggesting that she comes to live with you. Just because I'm curious--was your husband a smoker when you married him? If he was and you felt this way before you married him, did you think ahead to what would happen if or when you wanted to start a family? Or had you already decided you weren't going to have a family? (Nothing wrong with that, I was married for almost twenty years and we married knowing that neither one of us wanted to have children.)

Please think of the fact that it's likely that your father doesn't have any legal obligation to support her financially by giving her a place to live, since she's his step-daughter, not his daughter, unless your Dad legally adopted her when he married your Mom and she's still a minor, (which is what?--under 18, I think). If your Dad did legally adopt her and she's under 18 (or whatever) then he'd still be expected to support her. If your Dad didn't adopt her, what about her biological father? Could she live with him or could he throw some cash in so that she could have her own place, with no smoke? How about your Mom? Can she help out? Is your step-sister working and contributing her share to expenses, or is she on maternity benefits from her job? Can't remember whether that's covered by EI or CPP.

I said it before, but here it goes again: no addict is going to quit before they sincerely want to, and pushing an addict to quit sometimes just makes things worse.

For Tenspot: First, a question: I'm in a building where I get sun virtually all day, I'm on the top floor, so the black tar roof sucks the heat in like crazy, so I have three air conditioners, have had for years. What's "makeup air"? I have no idea, and I'm just curious.

In the spring of 2009 smoking on balconies was outlawed because a tenant complained about smoke coming into his apartment (even 'tho the balconies are probably twenty or thirty feet apart, but I have a lousy sense of smell, have had since I was a kid, so even if I weren't a smoker, I probably wouldn't notice the smell of smoke anyway.) I don't personally have a problem with that, altho I gave my rather fancy balcony furniture to friends who are short of money (recent immigrants) and they're now using it as living room furniture and as a kitchen table and chairs). One consequence, 'tho, was that people living in designated "non-smoking" apartments now have to go outside, for some of them down several floors, because they can't smoke in their apartments and they can't smoke on their balconies. Just like every other group, there are the irresponsible ones--in the summer of 2009 we had four small grass and bush fires, and we've had about the same number this year. I try to be considerate--if I'm smoking anywhere except in my own home, I do a military "field" on my cigarette; I step on the butt, twist out the remaining tobacco, which is going to disappear pretty quickly between wind and rain, and the filter goes into my pocket and then into my trash when I get home.

Another consequence, which I guess really doesn't matter much in the big picture, is that a building which was pretty well known for its general surrounding landscaping and its balcony gardens now has a bunch of blank balconies that look like missing teeth. I'm not going to spend money (and a lot of it, because I was used to having huge gardens until I hit this stage of life) doing flowers and trees on a balcony where I can't sit any more in the coolness of a summer morning, drinking coffee and having a cigarette. So everything went: the furniture, about three dozen planter pots, some perennial plants, and two 8' trees. Several others did the same thing. I only go out there now to sweep the floor clear of the fallen needles and leaves from surrounding trees and to clear the balcony drain. Other than that, it's just waste space. My landlord, a really nice guy, is regretting the decision made by his manager, but there's nothing much he can do now. But I do understand your problem with smoke sucked in by your air conditioner. There are two brands of perfume that I'm allergic to, and if I even walk by a woman wearing one of those two brands, I have a pretty serious reaction. I realize that anything in the air can be a problem that other people never think of.

[Jingles]

Smoking outside will not hurt your sister or the baby. It is legal to smoke, and bottom line, it is his house. I might have a bit more sympathy if he smokes in the house, but he doesn't, he smokes outside.

If your sister does not like the "smell" of the cigarette smoke on his clothes, she can move to her own place.

I don't smoke, but I hate to see people try to "force" people to stop smoking just because they don't like it.....

Pat

It's called third hand smoke, and is a carcinogen - smoke on the clothing is bad news for a baby. It's not just "the smell" that is the concern

[Tenspot]

Nostra
The management of the building "must" stipulate that there is no smoking inside or on balconies to prospective renters "before" they move in.
About make up air. The healthiest room/building is one that has positive pressure in it. Otherwise the air becomes stagnant, and becomes a possible health hazard. Most air conditioners have the capability of opening a small vent to allow some air from outside to be added to the cool air, thus changing some of the stagnant air within.
If I remember correctly, the standard in new built commercial buildings is that the total air contained within must be completely replaced 2 1/2 times per hour.
(my poor attempt at explaining)

[Nostradama]

Nostra
The management of the building "must" stipulate that there is no smoking inside or on balconies to prospective renters "before" they move in.
About make up air. The healthiest room/building is one that has positive pressure in it. Otherwise the air becomes stagnant, and becomes a possible health hazard. Most air conditioners have the capability of opening a small vent to allow some air from outside to be added to the cool air, thus changing some of the stagnant air within.
If I remember correctly, the standard in new built commercial buildings is that the total air contained within must be completely replaced 2 1/2 times per hour.
(my poor attempt at explaining)

I figured that this issue about changing the rules partway through the game was something I could have fought, along with others, but I chose not to. I have a pretty good thing going here, some of the tenants believe mistakenly that I'm some distant relative of my landlord and his family (I knew them before I became a tenant, various family members drop in for coffee often enough that until they clarified matters for other tenants I was gettting weekend calls about leaking taps, etc., and could I do something about it, since I was a member of the family) and I wasn't about to rock the boat. No one else did, either. It's hard enough as it is to find a rental apartment which takes smokers anyway, and I just wasn't up for the fight. So I let it go, along with others.

I'm a big believer in fresh air, so even 'tho two of my air conditioners get wrapped for the winter, one stays operational year-round, always pumping in fresh air for at least part of the day. I know that's a little weird, but the building has settled, so that the big "side slider" windows are pretty well impossible for me to open and shut, so with two smaller "push out" windows in my kitchen, in the winter, I'm trying to get as much fresh air in here as I can. So year round there's one air conditioner sucking in fresh air for part of the day plus four very fancy air purifiers--courtesy of SaveOn points, as if I think Jimmy Pattison and SaveOn ever really give anything away free. I sold a downtown condo to move here, it was a new build, and it had "positive air pressure" or whatever it's called, and oh boy did I notice the difference in air quality here, built eighteen years ago.

See my post about smelly food.